Walk by faith. Ah, that expression has become cliché to those of us who have been Christians for many years or grown up in the church. “Christianeeze” is the third language I consider myself fluent in and unfortunately, some of the richest phrases of this tongue have lost their impact on me as my heart has become immune to them. But God is faithful to bring these phrases, some direct scripture and some truth though not directly scripture, to me and ordain my circumstances so that these expressions become new to me, nearly tangible.
Walk by faith when you have nothing to hold on to. When you have been doing the same thing, the same task, for month or years and God whispers “just be faithful.” And you are wondering all the time when this chapter will end and a new one will start. You thought you were ready for a new chapter long ago, and yet the Lord gently stayed your heart to remain as you are. This is walking by faith.
I was somewhat spoiled as a young Christian in my teen and college years. I would seek God’s direction, receive it. And then He would confirm it in various ways so that there was no doubt left in my mind. That was then, this is now. Now, I have nothing to hold on to, no one. I walk into my high school every morning a little before 7 awaiting the demands and needs of students, administrators and co-workers. So often, I leave exhausted wondering how I am going to have the energy to do it all again tomorrow, let alone 6-7 more months. I wonder if I am making any difference, am I nothing more than a hypocrite? Am I “pushing back the dark,” being a light? I feel like I fail my Jesus everyday as I grow impatient, my tolerance gets pushed far past its limits, and sometime I give up. Yes, I give up. When I pour everything I have into my students, lesson plans, and try to think of ways to motivate them, help them grasp this language that I enjoy so much and receive no positive feedback at all, sometimes I give up.
I give it my all and it still does not seem like enough.
I grow short and yell or say something I wish I could take back. I’m so human. Should I even stay, am I doing any good? And yet here I am, at the same place a third year in a row and for God had not nudged my heart to move. Teaching is the hardest thing I have ever done and yet I don’t want to quit doing it…ever. I want to keep teaching, maybe not the same level or subjects, but I love it.
Before, God would give me multiple things to hold on to, ways to let me know I am on the right track but I feel like now He is saying, “My daughter, it is time to grow up. It is time to trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be regardless of feeling or fear. I am here, you need not fear.” I feel so ready for a new season in life and yet I am still in this one. And all I have is Jesus. I act like He is not enough, I’m such an idiot! Why is it when I was younger it was so easy for Him to be my all in all and to trust and now it is an everyday battle? Jesus, I am thine.
As you, too, dear friend, walk by faith and God gives you nothing tangible to grasp, find a promise of His to clasp. I now know what it is like to keep pacing along, with His Holy Spirit when you feel like all you want to do is run! I know how it feels when you desire something deeply and the Lord does not seem inclined to bless you any time soon. I know what it is like to hope and believe for something, a healing, a job, a confirmation, and the still small voice just whispers “wait.” It’s hard, but He is Our God and He is good.
Below I have included three images which are symbolic of God’s promises. They are reminders for me of who God is and all that He can do.
Life-long Learner; The Life Blog of a Teacher and Wife 