My husband and I were lucky enough to completely escape the honeymoon stage of marriage, I would say.
That’s a funny statement, isn’t it?
Within 1 year we were faced with job changes, job losses, financial distress, surgery, an infertility diagnosis, pregnancy, first mortgage, 2 ant infestations, and a few other events that weren’t as exciting, but still stressful. There was no hiding each other’s true temperaments- stress provoked reactions in each other I am sure neither on of us dreamed of ever revealing, especially within the first year of marriage. We were forced to be 100% vulnerable and raw before each other. We were driven to our knees many times.
A lot of suffering took place in our first year- emotional and physical. I used to accept the pat answer of Christians that suffering doesn’t come from God, that He just allows it. I accepted that God is a loving God and our sufferings are temporary on earth. But then suffering started to occur in my own life at a whole new level that I had never before experienced. I don’t know why so many woman suffer from miscarriage and infertility. I don’t know why a friend just a little older than me suffers from breast cancer. I don’t know why my husband struggles to find a job he loves when he is the hardest working man I know. I don’t know why another friend lost his eye sight at such a young age. I have asked, “If God is loving, why do we suffer so?” When faced with infertility and a massive surgery I asked why I must suffer so? What did I do to deserve this? Or not do?
Then my perspective started to change. Heaven suddenly wasn’t so lofty and far away. The thought of being the Bride of Christ in Eternity became real for the first time. I began to treasure the time with my husband in a new way. Whatever time I have on earth with him (I hope many decades) I will use that time to allow Jesus to sanctify me. There is no marriage in Heaven- WE are the bride of Jesus Christ; He is our husband. That being said the time on earth with my husband is priceless. Whatever time I get to be Christ to my husband on earth, to love honor and serve him, I am grateful. I am grateful that one day all suffering will be gone and we will be in GLORY! I am thankful that Jesus Christ has set me free so I can type these words.
John 8: 36 AMP “ So if the Son makes you free, then you are unquestionably free.”
We are UNQUESTIONABLY free. Suffering is real and it sucks. Sometimes, even though I have walked with Jesus for a long time, I think He is not fair and I’m hurt, angry. But I know and believe that one day I will walk with Him on the streets of gold and nothing else matters. I don’t have the answers. Right now I am 33 weeks pregnant, sick, exhausted and have several displaced ribs. I am in severe pain. That is just to name a few things “wrong.” But I still love the King. I am still HIS and I intend to serve Him.
I guess right now He is calling me to rest- I don’t have to strive. Nor do you, dear friend. I eagerly anticipate being used by Jesus as a Mom. I see my husband and I opening our home and hearts to kids, maybe even adopting one day. May everyone who enters our home feel the Presence there.